20 + 3 Myths about Women Who Play WoW

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So Matt and I were goofing off one day, and in one of those conversations where you’re not quite sure how it got onto that topic… we started talking about some of the myths around being a female gamer. Like all stereotypes, some have a base in reality, some are pretty funny, and some nag at my feminist sensibilities. Here’s 20 myths about female WoW-ers that I’ve encountered:  

  • We don’t exist
  • We’re super-hot asian women
  • We’re all crushingly obese in real life
  • We can’t Tank
  • We can’t Melee
  • We can’t PvP
  • Actually, we can’t play
  • We must want to be your girlfriend (or cyber you)
  • We’re sleeping with our Guild leader/Raid leader and that’s why we get raid invites/gear
  • We only play healing classes
  • We cause 100% of all guild/server drama
  • We get given gold, mats, and items for free
  • or, if not for free, in exchange for non-monetary favors
  • All female ‘toons are really guys trying to cash in on the above myths (especially Elves)
  • We don’t play Horde
  • We’re only playing to spend time with our boyfriend/husband
  • We care more about how gear looks than its stats
  • We only tame cuddly, cute pets
  • We don’t theorycraft (‘cuz math is HARD!)
  • We all hate each other
  • Female GMs are all married to a co-GM and not really leading the guild
  • We fly into hysterics if given negative feedback
  • We aren’t allowed to raid when we’re on our period

Image credits: Sacredart

Thanks Auz & Joveta!!

How to Be Evil in 5 Easy Steps

Hello World of Matticus readers! I’m Sydera’s warlock alt, Isidora, and for today only, I’ve locked her in a box in my basement (in case you were wondering, I put her on a shelf next to my collection of Bat Eyes and Gelatinous Goo). While Syd’s out of commission, I’m going to teach you all how to be an eeeeeeevil warlock alt.

There are other guides out there to initiate you into the ways of Evil. For example, I cackled in sheer dastardly joy when I read V’ming’s post on WowInsider a while back on how to cause grief and destruction for others. However, it seems to me that some of his advice is counter-productive. If other players realize how black and rotten my twisted little heart is, they’re not going to want to run me through dungeons any more. And yes, in the depths of my dark little soul, I’m all about the acquisition of shiny new purples, particularly evil ones.

Here are some ways to express your inner demon and take out your frustrations on the PvE world. Be careful! Some of the creatures you’ll be torturing like to bite. The trick is to make sure they bite someone else.

Tip #1: Keep Lots of Jars Full of Nasty Things

Any evil warlock worth her salt will comb through Azeroth’s flora and fauna for the most foul, most hideous creatures to hide in her pockets. I personally find the Imp in a Jar to be quite a hoot at eeevil cocktail parties. I’ve left J’eevee in there so long that he smells a little ripe, and let me tell you, he’s always a crowd pleaser. I’m also rather fond of my Pet Cockroach. Any time I stop by the Pig N Whistle for a cold beer and a grilled chicken caesar salad (it’s the signature food of eeevil), I like to take out Roachybuttons and sit him by the side of my plate. Then I jump up and down and start screaming–I’ve never yet had to pay for my lunch. Other disgustingly evil things in my pocketses include a rabid Worg Pup and a rotten Carrot on a Stick, which I never let my mount so much as nibble.

Tip #2: Always Add Insult to Injury

It’s not enough to blast your enemies into smithereens. The eeevil warlock always does so in style! Terrify the innocents you’ll be slaughtering with razor-sharp wit. For example, you might consider macro-ing a few choice quips to your most destructive spells. With my shadowbolt, I like to use: “Take that, you lily-livered bamboo-snorkeling piddle-drinker!” Don’t be afraid to change it up though. Since you’re an evil warlock alt, you certainly don’t need your macros interface for that cowardly cooperation session known as “raiding.”

Tip #3: Get in Touch with Your Greedy Side

Gold. Your main has it, and you don’t. Every eeevil warlock alt must practice the “I want” speech. This is best delivered while stamping your foot and wringing your main’s arm. Here’s a good example: “But Auntie Syd, everyone else has a pony! I NEED A PONY NOW! And it has to be on fire!” Rinse and repeat for your birdie, that rare minipet you’ve been eyeing, your hawt orange midriff top from the Deadmines, or anything else that catches your evil little eye. Your main will call in favors and get you whatever it is. If she’s anything like Syd, your main is a sucker. Which reminds me…some of my gear doesn’t have epic gems yet. As soon as I let her out of that box, she’s going to make a little trip to the gem vendor.

Tip #4: Pick on the Innocent and the Helpless


Repeat after me: “critters are for killing.” None of this /love stuff. If you see a huggable skunk or a fuzzy widdle bunny, you know what to do. A well-timed Corruption will never go amiss, and you’ll have the added bonus of listening to the poor creature scream in agony as the DoT slowly ticks away. As you grow in eeevil power, take on larger game. Any time you see a majestic animal going about its own business, it’s time to introduce it to the circle of life, demonology-style. As for me, I enjoy helping the polar bears of Winterspring earn their place on the endangered species list. For extra credit, don’t ever skin or eat what you kill. Leave its rotting carcass there to pollute the ground water.

Tip #5: Bite the Hand that Feeds You

Being an eeevil warlock means never having to say thank you. Sure, your main begged all his friends and guildmates to take you to Dire Maul to get your flaming horsie. Just be sure you are never, ever in a position to help them out! That’s your main’s job. Also, take care not to let your legion of demonic fiends get too comfortable in your presence. Yes, they take hits in the face so you don’t have to, but that doesn’t mean you should be nice! Practice kicking them while they’re down and jabbing them in their soft metaphorical underbellies (I’m not certain that demons have underbellies, and if they do, they might be covered in Fel Scales). For example, I like to “compliment” my succubus on her appearance. Every time I need her services, I like to say to her: “Hey Lynva, your butt looks really big in that outfit. Have you put on weight since the last time we did a dungeon together?” Let me assure you that the tears of demons are every bit as delicious as those of mages. They taste like cherry kool-aid.

Follow these five tips, and you’ll be well on your way to becoming the terror of Azeroth, or at least of your main’s character screen. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to get back to selling 400 individual pieces of Felweed at the Auction House for ridiculously high prices.

Build Your Own Guild Part 2: Rules of the Game

In this second installment of the Build your Own Guild series, I am going to teach you how to establish the rules and policies that will help your new raiding guild run itself. Well, that’s an exaggeration. However, without a clear set of rules, your guild will always be rudderless. Before one person signs that charter, you need to lay down the law in black and white. The post outlines the three types of policy that you should establish before your guild even zones into its first instance. The following tips assume that you will have a guild website (after all, we play an internet-based game, right?). These documents and policies need to be the core content of that website when it first goes up.

1. Guild Charter

In Part One, I encouraged you to meditate on your goals and desires for your new guild. Now you must put pencil to paper and share your vision with your members. In my opinion, the more the guild expects to accomplish in terms of raiding, the more important your mission statement is.

Your charter should answer the following questions:

a. What is the guild’s goal?
b. What is the guild’s attitude?
c. What is most important to us?

I’ll quote for you one of my favorite passages from my guild’s charter. It really shows who we are as an organization:

“We value kindness, fair play, and respect for others over loot or in-game success. Our policies work toward ensuring a positive environment in which everyone can enjoy the fruits of our labor.”

I welcome you all to read the entire charter and even use it as a model, but I will warn you that it’s out of date. Since the original charter creation, we’ve decided that we’re a real raiding guild after all. The long road between Gruul and Illidan changed us as an organization. I should take my own advice and adjust the language to our current practices!

You don’t have to create your charter from scratch. Many guilds make their websites accessible to all, and if a guild is recruiting, sometimes you can even create a user account and view their policies. I recommend doing a bit of snooping around–find guilds you admire and know are successful, and copy what they do. The tone of your charter should suit the mood of your guild. My own guild operates in a rather serious mode. If you prefer a raucous, no holds-barred environment, use irony and humor when you write that charter. For an excellent example in this mode, I’ll direct you towards the hilarious charter of a guild named Dread Lobster, as quoted by fellow druish blogger Runyarusco. I laughed so hard, I (almost) wanted to join.

2. Code of Conduct

Even the most laid-back guilds have certain expectations for their members’ behavior, and you ought to explain them either in the charter itself or in an appendix. Collateral Damage sets a very high standard, and unlike many guilds, we restrict profanity (well, in guild chat anyway) and chastise members severely if they disrespect one another. If you want your members to act in a certain way, let them know from the very beginning. That way, if you need to g-kick someone for a behavioral issue, you cannot be accused of unfairness. On the flip side, if you want to foster an open environment where insults and un-PC jokes fly thick and fast, let prospective members know that.

3. Conditions for Membership / Raider Status

If your guild intends to raid seriously, you need to have some means by which you determine who gets to raid and who does not. This type of policy will not seem important to a start-up guild that can barely scrape together enough tanks and healers for an introductory instance, but as you start to have success, you will have to deal with over-crowding. My guild chose not to put in a Raider Status from the beginning, and I have always regretted it. We have always walked the razor’s edge between being inclusive and optimizing rosters, and I know it’s cost our raid leader hours of frustration and worry.

Raiding guilds typically fill their scheduled weekly raids according to one of two successful models.

Model A

Everyone who is a regular member of the guild is a raider, and a Raider Rank would be redundant. The guild is small and does not recruit beyond the minimum number it needs to do the raid content.

Model B

The guild has members who raid and members who do not. These “casual” members may be friends and family of raiders, or they may be longtime members who have had a change in status. When you have two such different constituencies, it is only natural that at some point, one or more of your “casual” members will want to raid. At that point, the concept of Raider Status comes into play. Raider Status can typically be earned through attendance and performance, and it comes with the privilege of being on more raid rosters. It should also be possible to lose Raider Status through consistent poor attendance, bad behavior, or sloppy play.

Given a choice, I would go with Model B. From a management standpoint, it is more difficult to handle a larger, more complex guild roster, but you have a better chance of running all your raids. With Model A, if two of your players go on vacation, your raid is toast. Collateral Damage has a large number of members, and we have been able to run all of our scheduled raids this summer except for the one the Sunday before Labor Day. That’s a pretty awesome ratio considering the rash of expansionitis that’s been going around.

If you DO set strict conditions for membership or Raider Status, you need to define these specifically. Your attendance policy should require not only a percentage, but also tell how often that percentage will be re-calculated. For example, you might require 75% attendance over any two-month period. That allows your players to go out of town every once in a while. Moreover, never be vague about your raid preparation requirements. Instead of just saying “come prepared,” do as Catal, our raid leader does and spell it out in no uncertain terms:

What you should bring:

– A good attitude – We’re going to wipe… a lot.
– PvP trinket and PvP/Stam gear – The focus will be on survivability.
– 2 flasks of your choice.
– Lots of health/mana pots.
– Lots of reagents for buffing.
– Have decursive loaded if you will be responsible for dispelling Grip of the Legion (curse).

This set of requirements applies to our attempts on Archimonde this week. Every raid sign up comes with one of these, and you may find it useful to have a general set that would apply to every raid.

Conclusions

Phew! Now you have three basic documents that your members will be able to refer to when they have questions about how the guild is run. Believe me, they will hold you to what you say, so always keep your policies up-to-date. For Collateral Damage, things didn’t turn out according to our first design, but they worked out all right nonetheless. However, I should /pinch myself for not updating the charter. These documents are a contract between you and your members and it is in your best interest as guild leader to hold up your end.

For next time, we’ll be looking at the fourth and arguably most important policy that a new guild needs to have in place: the Loot System. You must choose a system early, because the first thing most recruits will ask is how your guild handles loot. Next Wednesday’s post will outline all the sordid details of loot distribution, and I’ll tell you some choice horror stories of loot QQ, I promise.

If you still haven’t satisfied your appetite for information on guild managment, I’ll refer you to Auzara at Chick GM, who is the guru of guild-mastery and all related issues. I always find it beneficial to take into account multiple perspectives on important topics.

12 Reasons Why Priests Don’t Make the Best Lovers

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Hear-ye, hear-ye, ye backstabin buccaneers!

As me learn-ed scurvy dog colleagues o’er the past few days have discussed about ye class lovers, I have discovered one thing. Ye think Priests make the finest landlubbin’ lovers, do yeh? Well ye be wrong on that count and let me tell ye why! Priests are the exact reasons why thar exists women scorned by which fury hell hath no! Nay, we be nothin’ more than gentlemen o’ fortune so ter speak.

Ye got yer Warlocks! Then ye got yer Captains! And yer goody two shoes Pal-eh-din! A lot of mateys believe that Duh-ruids are tha bettar ones in bed! And of course, Rogues do it from behind (because they’re not smart enough to do it from other positions, harrrrr har har!). Cannae’ forget our tentically hoofed buccanneers!

But here’s why hookin’ up with a Priest be like findin’ fool’s gold!

Fortitude only lasts 60 minutes

Aye, we be full of stamina and strength but fer how long? We can only go 60 minutes before we become tired out ye know!

Staves, Maces, and Daggers

We not exactly be the most skilled with our weapons. Ye never see a Priest with maxed out weapon skills! Ye think we’re any better in unarmed… combat?!

Constant drinking

There be only so much energy a Priest has before they need to batten down the hatches and drink. I find it nigh impossible that a lass would be able ter wait tha’ long fer us to recover (and plunder her booty)!

Squishy

Harrrr! Our inability to withstand pain means activities be limited! Our robes can only handle so much punishment from a cat o’ nine tails! Unless we take ’em off…

Limited shields

Yarrrr, ye realize our shields can not withstand lovin’ power of that maggggnitude before they buckle under pressure! Oh sure they can protect ye, but for how long? And what will ye do when that bubble be breached?

Never satisfied with just one

We be busy scannin’ all the time for potential targets! We cannae always commit to one, ye know! It be too difficult for Priests to be monogamous!

Too pure

Can we consciously betray our teachings of the light? No! Thar be no such thing as a promiscuous Priest! Not ter mention, I cannae dream of a scurvy cur who’d want ter shack up with the dirty Shadowy ones! Only a wench would!

Too much Discipline

Discipline. Priests have too much of it! Even one point invested be far too much for the ordinary lass! We shan’t betray our cause or our purpose which means we not tha’ righ’ choice!

Too poor

Priests are the most lily-livered class you’ll encounter, me hearty! We don’t have the doubloons to afford even the most scallywag of Warlock wenches!

So ye see lad, while you may think that Priests make great lovers, ye best be takin’ your reasons to Davey Jones locker!

Yarrrrr!

Why Druids are the Best (and Worst) Lovers

I’ve decided to take up Matticus’s challenge from yesterday and put in my own personal bid for which class makes the best lovers.

If variety is the spice of YOUR life, then you simply must find yourself a druidic lover today. While I’m sure warlocks, and mages, and priests, can light your fire too, nothing beats a druid for sheer, er, flexibility. However, when things go wrong with your druid lover, they go very wrong. Join me for a look at the the pros and cons of a little walk on the wild side.

5 reasons to take a lonely tree home with you:

1. You’ll never be bored.

We can tank, dps, and heal, sometimes all at once! You want it, we’ve got it. Let a druid draw you in with her Entangling Roots. By the time she gets to Flourish, you’ll be hooked for good.

2. Druids are champion cuddlers.

We may look ferocious (not hard to accomplish while we’re tanking things with our face), but deep down inside, every druid is a fuzzy, snuggly kitten. Especially recommended for frosty mornings and rainy afternoons by a roaring fire.

3. We’re animals in the bedroom.

No really, we are. Let your imagination run wild.

4. Druids are very grounded.

Our roots go deep, and we like to stay where we’re planted. We don’t like to show off either. Even if we have fancy cars and flashy clothes, we’re the same old bear we’ve always been since level 10. That means we’re the ideal candidate for dinners with Mom & Pop or a night out with your buddies.

5. We don’t cause drama.

Animals are a lot less complicated than people, and plants even less so. Your druid lover gets a measure of inner peace from spending so much time in one of his simpler forms, and that serenity will make your relationship much less conflict-ridden.

5 reasons to leave that bear at the zoo where he belongs:

1. A leopard can’t change his spots, and a cheetah is always a cheetah.

Blame it on our bestial natures, but it’s hard for us to shake our natural instincts. If your druid lover has been up to any naughty tricks in the past, you’ll have to keep him on a short leash.

2. Druish grooming habits differ greatly from those of the human population.

Yes, we think that lichen growing on our boughs is attractive. Little bird’s nest by my left ear? That’s an accessory. And don’t even get me started on the bears. What do you THINK they roll around in when no one’s looking? If you don’t enjoy that musky, woodsy fragrance, I’d suggest a druid who specializes in melee dps. After all, kitties at least attempt to give themselves a daily bath.

3. We’ll never be your perfect match.

Druids are hybrids, but if you’re a rogue looking for a melee dps soulmate, or a warlock looking for a partner-in-corruption, we’ll never quite cut the mustard. If you are too much of a purist, you won’t get along with a druid.

4. All druids are shifty by nature.

If we’ve done something bad, you’ll never find us. If we’ve done something really bad, we’ll probably blame it on you and cower invisibly in your closet.

5. And finally, we’re too idealistic.

One of these days, the Emerald Dream will beckon your druid lover, and he or she will be afk until further notice. There’s a reason that most mystics stay single. If you do date a druid, you’ll have to help her keep her paws firmly in the here-and-now.

As for me, well, my dance card is full. Turns out that a tree’s perfect match is a warrior–heh, maybe the low intellect lets him overlook those scratchy branches.