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Dear Lodur, a Valentine’s Day Post.

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Welcome to the first edition of Dear Lodur, a column where people can ask me questions anonymously and get advice.   It seemed fitting that this inaugural post of Dear Lodur is centered around Love is in the Air, the wonderful (or heartbreaking) festival in Azeroth. With so many people swept off their feet of left sobbing in the streets, who would be a better Draenei to ask for help than Lodur?

Dear Lodur,

I’m a prot paladin and I think that my girlfriend is cheating on me. Lately she’s been healing an offtank (a feral druid!) on Patchwerk more than me and I’m the MT! She’s not responsive to my tells and she just doesn’t seem interested in healing me anymore. Should I be worried? What should I do?

Thanks,

Worried in the Construct Wing

Dear Worried in the Wing,

The relationship between a healer and their tank is a very delicate one, but one that has been around for as long as we can remember. It is one of those natural couplings. Because this is so natural to us, we tend to see our healers with other tanks as a threat. Are you sure her healing lead just didn’t assign her to the offtank? Are you trying to send her tells while she’s healing? I would say that if you are truly concerned you should catch her after a raid, sit her down and talk to her calmly and rationally. Maybe even bring her a dozen Roses . I’m certain you’ll find she is, at heart, a one tank woman and you have nothing to worry about.

~Lodur



Dear Lodur,

My guy has recently started up Alchemy, and now every time he has extra Pygmy Oil around he downs it and turns himself into a Gnome! Lately I see him with a lot of Gnomes in the Eventide bank as well. I asked him to stop but I still find the empty vials laying around the sewers after his arena matches. I’m concerned this is going to turn into an unhealthy obsession and addiction. What can I do?

Thanks,

Distressed in Dalaran

Dear Distressed,

Get help for your loved one right away! Gnome morphing can become a serious addiction very quickly. Get your mutual friends together as well for it may be time for an intervention. Tell him how it is affecting you and how concerned you are for him. And if all else fails, wait till he Gnomifies himself, then hire a couple Tauren to drag him to Darnassus to get the Priestesses of Elune involved. I hear they did wonders for King Wrynn’s Pickled Zevhra hoof problem. Good luck and make sure you guard your ankles!

~Lodur


Dear Lodur,

I’ve been dating a elemental shaman for awhile now. We’ve raided a little bit together and everything seemed fine. Then he asked me to do some battlegrounds with him and who was I to say no? We were waiting at the gate in Arathi Basin when he shifted into Ghost Wolf (something he hadn’t done while we’ve been dating) and since then I can’t stop sneezing! He’s asked me to join his arena team, but I think I’m allergic to dogs. Help!

Thanks,

Allergic in Arathi


Dear Allergic,

Being in an arena team with someone is a large commitment, especially when balancing a potential health issue like allergies. There are a variety of solutions, though it is almost impossible to determine which will be best. First thing you need to do is figure out if you are allergic or not. Get him to transform and see if the sneezing fits continue. If they do then it’s time to disclose your allergy and talk about solutions together. As a shaman, I can say that you might want to suggest your significant other take a bath in Ghost Wolf form, as many shaman often forget that even the spiritual elements of what we do need to be cleaned once in a while. You’re reaction might just be to slightly dirty wolf hair. If that fails you may be able to work something out where there won’t be a need for him to shape shift, perhaps buy him a mount. I hear Kodo are hypo allergenic. The most important thing is that you talk about it and come up with solutions together. You need to agree in advance that you won’t fight about this or build up resentments, and that you will both give it your best shot.

~Lodur


Dear Lodur,

I’m a Nightelf priest and my best friend forever is a dwarf hunter. She tames all these different animals, sends them off to fight and some of them even die! If they don’t die, she’ll just abandon them when she has no use for them. She does the same thing to all those poor cats and small pets she picks up everywhere, just abandoning them whenever she gets bored. How can I show her what she’s doing is cruel and unusual punishment to these poor creatures?

Signed,

Ally of the Animals

Dear Ally,

Your situation is not the first I’ve heard of this. Unfortunately hunters have been brought up this way, and as a result this learned behavior is so ingrained in them it is often times nigh impossible to break. I do however have a suggestion that just might do the trick. What you need to do is find yourself a sympathetic mage and then ask a little favor from Breanni in Dalaran. Convince your friend you’re going to Breanni’s to buy some pet supplies with your mage friend. When you’re there have the mage Polymorph Cat the hunter! Get Breanni to lock the door and unleash Stinker . After being chased around for a while we’ll see if your hunter has a new respect for her poor pets. If that doesn’t work I hear Arthas has a great Re-Education program…

~Lodur


That’s it for this installment of Dear Lodur, feel free to submit your questions if you have any at all. Till next time remember,anyone can catch your eye, but it takes someone special to catch your heart!

I would like to give special thanks to Sientina from Mug’thol for her help in this post.

The 6 Signs of Raiding Burnout

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We’re just a few weeks into a new expansion, so it feels a little strange to talk about burnout. However, Blizzard made a critical miscalculation when they worked on Wrath. They lavished most of their time and energy on quest and 5-person dungeon content–which is essentially single-view for many players. I know I certainly haven’t brought my alts through Northrend yet. However, they spent very little of their design energy on new raids. Naxxramas, which I never saw pre-Wrath, feels dated to me–it was already old the day I stepped in there. It’s something that was very cool for its time, and is fun even now, but just looks like Classic WoW. It’s like Eastern Plaguelands, part 2. For example, take a boss like Grobbulus. He looks like a butt with a face on it, or a face with a butt on it…or just a butt, with a gas mask. How can I help but be a little disappointed, especially when Blizzard is capable of creating a boss as beautiful as Malygos?

The fact that the new Naxx is tuned to be rather easy isn’t the biggest factor in how I feel about it. After all, I loved Karazhan–it was the unique mechanics and the enchanted-castle look of that place that kept me going back for more, not the difficulty level. The only two new raid instances, Obsidian Sanctum and the Eye of Eternity, are one-boss wonders. They’re cool and challenging, but there’s just not enough new bosses there to get the blood pumping.

I, for one, am very disappointed that Ulduar hasn’t hit yet. At the end of BC, I was on top of the world–Illidan and Archimonde fell for my guild right before the patch. Pre-Wrath, I got a little peek at Sunwell up to Felmyst. I had started to love raiding, and I wanted bigger challenges. . . like an entirely new instance full of beautiful, sad giants and lovely starscapes. I hope that’s Ulduar. If it had been me, I would have held Wrath entirely until at least one new full-length raid dungeon was ready.

Are you suffering from early burnout, dear reader? If one of the following six signs applies to you, you may want to see your nearest priest, who will probably prescribe a healthy diet of alt leveling and shameless achievement-chasing.

The 6 Signs of Early Burnout

1. The first time you ever saw one of the Naxxramas bosses, you said to yourself: “Not this guy again.” That, for me, was Heigan, who looks suspiciously like a lot of the trash mobs in Northrend. Hey! I think I killed that guy in Dragonblight. And Zul’Drak.

2. When your fellow raiders drop a train set, you wish that you could teleport them to Stranglethorn arena and kill them all. Choo choo? I hate you. Note to self: learn to PvP.

3. You’re tempted to send the Four Horseman a little note telling them how to better coordinate themselves for easier kills on overconfident adventurers. Note to the 4H: go for the healers, especially the druids. Wait no, scratch that . . .

4. When a boss dies, you run to get another beer–or in my case, Bailey’s–without bothering to see what he dropped. Purples, schmurples.

5. You and your friends have each incurred a repair bill of approximately 1589 gold this week because you’ve been trying for the Heroic dungeon achievements. After all, achievements are the real game, and all the leet players ride red proto drakes.

6. Tuesday is the high point of your week–not because it’s the start of the raid week, but because that’s the day your egg from the Oracles always hatches. I just got my baby Cobra–how did you do?

Why Druids are the Best (and Worst) Lovers

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I’ve decided to take up Matticus’s challenge from yesterday and put in my own personal bid for which class makes the best lovers.

If variety is the spice of YOUR life, then you simply must find yourself a druidic lover today. While I’m sure warlocks, and mages, and priests, can light your fire too, nothing beats a druid for sheer, er, flexibility. However, when things go wrong with your druid lover, they go very wrong. Join me for a look at the the pros and cons of a little walk on the wild side.

5 reasons to take a lonely tree home with you:

1. You’ll never be bored.

We can tank, dps, and heal, sometimes all at once! You want it, we’ve got it. Let a druid draw you in with her Entangling Roots. By the time she gets to Flourish, you’ll be hooked for good.

2. Druids are champion cuddlers.

We may look ferocious (not hard to accomplish while we’re tanking things with our face), but deep down inside, every druid is a fuzzy, snuggly kitten. Especially recommended for frosty mornings and rainy afternoons by a roaring fire.

3. We’re animals in the bedroom.

No really, we are. Let your imagination run wild.

4. Druids are very grounded.

Our roots go deep, and we like to stay where we’re planted. We don’t like to show off either. Even if we have fancy cars and flashy clothes, we’re the same old bear we’ve always been since level 10. That means we’re the ideal candidate for dinners with Mom & Pop or a night out with your buddies.

5. We don’t cause drama.

Animals are a lot less complicated than people, and plants even less so. Your druid lover gets a measure of inner peace from spending so much time in one of his simpler forms, and that serenity will make your relationship much less conflict-ridden.

5 reasons to leave that bear at the zoo where he belongs:

1. A leopard can’t change his spots, and a cheetah is always a cheetah.

Blame it on our bestial natures, but it’s hard for us to shake our natural instincts. If your druid lover has been up to any naughty tricks in the past, you’ll have to keep him on a short leash.

2. Druish grooming habits differ greatly from those of the human population.

Yes, we think that lichen growing on our boughs is attractive. Little bird’s nest by my left ear? That’s an accessory. And don’t even get me started on the bears. What do you THINK they roll around in when no one’s looking? If you don’t enjoy that musky, woodsy fragrance, I’d suggest a druid who specializes in melee dps. After all, kitties at least attempt to give themselves a daily bath.

3. We’ll never be your perfect match.

Druids are hybrids, but if you’re a rogue looking for a melee dps soulmate, or a warlock looking for a partner-in-corruption, we’ll never quite cut the mustard. If you are too much of a purist, you won’t get along with a druid.

4. All druids are shifty by nature.

If we’ve done something bad, you’ll never find us. If we’ve done something really bad, we’ll probably blame it on you and cower invisibly in your closet.

5. And finally, we’re too idealistic.

One of these days, the Emerald Dream will beckon your druid lover, and he or she will be afk until further notice. There’s a reason that most mystics stay single. If you do date a druid, you’ll have to help her keep her paws firmly in the here-and-now.

As for me, well, my dance card is full. Turns out that a tree’s perfect match is a warrior–heh, maybe the low intellect lets him overlook those scratchy branches.

BREAKING: Introducing the iRaid

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I’m working frantically on an essay right now which is due tomorrow afternoon, so I don’t have a lot of time. I don’t want to reveal my source about this, but you know how Apple’s opened up their API’s and such for third party developers?

Yup, you guessed it.

World of Warcraft is now on the iPhone. In fact, Apple’s secretly working on a product that completely strips every component they have from the iPhone to create a new device that is far more superior than it’s predecessor in any way shape or form.

This new product is called the iRaid. You people with lives, yes you the ones that bail out at the last minute, now don’t have any excuses to skip out on raiding anymore! With the portability of the iRaid, now players can literally raid whenever they want wherever they want. It’s perfect for players whose lives are way too busy.

On top of that, the interface has been completely re-written. Actually, it’s been completely removed. Now World of Warcraft can be played without having to mash any buttons or observe any tool bars. Everything has been designed with simplicity and automaticity in mind. There are no bars at all, raid frames, or meters to worry about. Threat is automatically calculated and should you hit the cap, then the iRaid automatically locks up preventing you from casting any further spells. There’s a nice heads up display which shows useful information such as nearby players their information, nearby enemies, and their range.

How it works

Using Apple’s intuitive touch interface, players can simply create motions with their fingers to perform certain actions.

For example

  • As a Mage, drawing a circle with the letter "S" inside generates a portal to Shattrath
  • As a Shaman, drawing an "X" over an enemy target will automatically trigger chain lightning
  • As a Priest, drawing an oval creates a Power Word: Shield around the target
  • As a Warlock, tapping an enemy target followed by a fast jab in any direction results in a fear
  • As a Warrior, drawing swirls will trigger whirlwind
  • As a Paladin, drawing a square with the letter "B" adjacent to it activates Divine Shield and your hearth stone
  • As a Rogue, repeatedly tapping anywhere on the screen while adjacent to a target causes your rogue to perform sinister strikes
  • As a Druid, targets you tap on will get moonfire spammed

And it gets better! During raids, all that needs to be done is for you to tape a person’s health bar and it will cast the most mana efficient spell in order to heal that player. Heck, if you’re busy, you can always toggle the "lock" switch which locks your iRaid device and sets it on autopilot. It will not register any taps or presses on the screen and perform the logical actions. The new iRaid essentially RAIDS for you so that you don’t have to do a darn thing!

Chat Interface

The chat interface doesn’t deviate much from the normal iPhone. It uses the same interface which you can rotate in either direction. Based on the nature of the message, the iRaid is capable of determining what chat channel or person to send your message to.

 

Other useful stuff

iraid2The iRaid comes with extra features like a "death time counter". It tracks the amount of time that you spend as being dead so you can prove to the rest of the raid just how useful you are because you spend such little time being dead.

There’s loads more of other stuff, but it’s either still under development or under wraps.

No one knows when this product will debut, but my guess is that we will not be seeing it for a long time. It’s wonderful to see top companies collaborating together and combining innovative technologies and software to deliver even more fun addictions.

In order to maximize space, useless things like calendars, music players, browsers, and the like have been removed. Since the iPhone still has a mic and an ear section, voice communication has been built in to allow iRaiders listen to the praise of their raid leaders on what an excellent job they have been doing throughout the raid.

The all new iRaid: Buying skill is now a reality.