“If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow.”
Chinese Proverb
As individuals, we’re exposed to conflict on a daily level. We get into arguments with loved ones. We curse at the guy who cuts us off on the highway. We become angry because of decisions made by other people that affect us.
One of the Criminology courses I’m taking in university is called introduction to policing. Today I wanted to share some important lessons I learned that day. It’s something that law enforcement go through often in their careers. It’s a great skill that benefits all of us regardless of what your jobs or interests are.
It’s about crisis management.
People need time
See that poorly drawn graph above? The shaded area is a person’s “rage†meter. This is when a person is at the peak of their anger. Give them time to calm down. Don’t rush anything just yet. Some people get extremely fired up at first and their judgment gets clouded. After some time has passed, the “rage†meter will start to decrease and come down.
Watch your tone of voice and conduct yourself appropriately
Many summers ago, I had a job as a carnie. No, I wasn’t the guy that dressed in the clown suit. I was the guy that had to make your kid wait in line in front of that Scooby Doo or Spongebob Squarepants bouncy castle. It continues to be my observation that when a parent’s kids are involved, all sense of logic and reason goes out the window. The supervisor on deck never stopped preaching to us to watch what we say and to not lose our temper. Direct any extremely flamboyant customers to the supervisor. But above all, don’t lose your cool. Because by raising your voice, you’ll only escalate the problem even further.
And no, I didn’t clean up when your kid peed in my ride either. I got people junior and I to do it. Hooray for seniority (and bless the guy that invented Fuh-breeze).
Reflect on what they’re saying and keep talking
Try and understand their perspective. Keep the conversation going. Try and find common ground. Learn to compromise. What exactly is the subject fired up about? Is there a way for you to help and resolve the situation?
Give them space and distance
When dealing with high risk offenders, keep your distance and give them a lot of space. It doesn’t hurt to have a lot of objects (or tables) in the way especially if the person in question is pissed off at you. It just means there’s more crap they have to navigate through in order to injure you. This also means not deliberately trying to set them off even more. You can tell when someone is mad. But you can also tell when someone is downright pissed. They start saying things they wouldn’t otherwise normally say. Their volume and tone reaches heights it wouldn’t normally reach. It’s not a cue to keep pressing their buttons. Its a cue to just stop.
I know exactly what you mean! And especially over the internet, it’s easy to keep pressing buttons even when you’re not trying. Space and time are necessary tools in conflict resolution.
A note on the structure of the article – I think you needed a wrap-up of some sort. Or an application to the internet section, since it’s a unique beast. As is, the article ended with “make sure to put tables or other objects between you and the mad person do they don’t attack you,” which as you can understand, is an odd thought for this context.
Like I said, though, very true observations.
Only problem here is that sometimes people can’t identify when someone is getting angry based solely on the text in front of them. I remember a friend of mine who jokingly told me I need to adjust my attitude, to which I responded, “I have a @#$%ing awesome attitude, !*&%=#@?er”, causing the whole guild to go quiet and one of the officers to tell me to calm down. Everything was kosher though when I explained that I don’t usually punctuate how awesome my attitude is by suggesting what people’s private erotic encounters detail and was just fooling around.
My point though is that this is great when someone is ranting and raving in guild for one reason or another. But how should a situation be handled when you know a guildie is pissed off over something, but being quiet and just stewing about it? Should you approach them and try to get them to be reasonable or let them sit quietly and possibly poison their attitude towards the guild? Interesting topic to say the least.
Holy Duegs last blog post..Tools of the Light
Issues with social interaction. Check!
Restricted and repetitive interests and behavior. Check!
That’s two of the three symptoms of aspergers Matt. You really should get this checked out.
Couldn’t agree more.
Growing up being the only male living with 5 females has taught me alot of things. One of them being to give them space and let that rage meter go down.
Finding a common ground is also essentital for keeping the peace
Teks last blog post..Sunday Screenshot – The reward at the end of the tunnel…
When confronting an individual whose meter is maxed out, I find it best to calmly explain to them that attempting an Execute at the current time would be a highly inefficient use of their rage.
—————————————————
“Not tonight, honey; need more rage.”
so, you’re saying that if richard simmons came to your carnival, you’d refer him to your supervisor? is that even if he’s not angry? or do the flamboyant ppl need to be angry to get a referral?
🙂