All Stories

Every story, article, column, piece, and so forth on World of Matticus ever published.

SYTYCB: An Open Letter to the Badge of Justice

by

sydera-post

This is a SYTYCB entry from Sydera, one of the top 7 finalists.

Dear Badge of Justice,

I hate you. You ruined my virtual life. You made me dread logging in to my favorite video game, and you even made me resent my in-game friends. You made me wish 5-mans had never been invented. Because of you, I heard Aran’s voice over and over again in my dreams, saying “Torment me no more!” Now I understand exactly what he’s talking about.

At first, you didn’t seem like such a menace. There weren’t many of you. Before Patch 2.4, I didn’t find you on every piece of road kill I came across. When I did manage to collect a few of you, there was usually something I could buy. But one fateful day, we heard that a foxy new Draenei, Smith Hauthaa, was coming to town with a bag full of goodies. On that day, the World of Warcraft changed forever.

mobadgesI used to think I was in a normal guild. We ran SSC and TK three nights a week, and we looked pretty damn good in our Tier 5 gear. However, when the official news about patch 2.4 arrived, everyone’s priorities suddenly shifted. On off nights, everyone used to level alts, PVP, do pre-mades, or even make the occasional run on Halaa. We used to have fun.

Patch 2.4 produced gear spreadsheets and a magical number called “total badges needed,” which for me was 485. Suddenly, O Badge of Justice, we needed you! Everyone began to bemoan how far behind they were in collecting you. The guild turned into a virtual Beverly Hills where everyone watched everyone else to see who was ahead and who was behind. Our three-day raid week turned into seven, and suddenly the officers had to schedule heroics every day, all for love of the mighty Badge of Justice. After raids ended, at 1:00 a.m. EST, we started running the daily heroic, forgoing blissful slumber to tangle with Underbats and Tempest-Forge Patrollers in the darkest watches of the night.

hauthaaFinally, that witch Hauthaa agreed to take you, precious Badge of Justice, in exchange for purple pixels the likes of which had scarcely been seen outside the walls of the Black Temple. Set bonuses were broken and the beauty of Blizzard’s tier designs were scarred by mismatched thread, metal, and baubles. Badge of Justice, you made me ugly, worthy of the fashion disaster page in US Weekly. Just take a look at the skirt you made me wear – it’s made of skunk hide, latex, and paper clips. At least I can mask its hideousness with my tree form.

But your foul deeds did not stop there. After our guild’s greed was finally satiated by hundreds of those twisted blue tiles, we turned to hills of Mount Hyjal and the dark corridors of the Black Temple for our next challenge. We killed bosses, and we wanted new rewards – but guess what? Because of you, Badge of Justice, we disenchanted the items won from guild first kills. The great pieces of T6 loot, once the stuff of legend, were left to rot. My heart wept for the Kilt of Immortal Nature, for the Guise of the Tidal Lurker. Their beauty went to waste while you triumphed.
Meanwhile, I continue to find you on nearly every raid boss in the game, mocking me. Endless copies of you fill my bags without purpose. I can no longer sell the gems you would procure. I need no Moonkin gear, and you won’t let me transfer you to my warlock alt, who might appreciate your charity.

gerasAnd now, what do I hear? In Wrath of the Lich King there will be not just one descendant in your cruel lineage, but three, one for each new tier of raiding. Can it be true that we will have to collect your kin at each level of our future play? We raiders do not need you. We could get the regular gear out of 25-man instances. Yet, some will always look to you to gain an advantage, and as long as I feel any loyalty for my guildmates, I will be in your thrall, for what group can succeed without a healer? I will run Naxxramas until my branches fall off, even as my guild kills Arthas.

Badge of Justice, I curse you and all your relatives. You wasted all my free time and took the “casual” out of my casual raiding guild. Now, just when I have almost recovered from your foul influence, I hear that you will again blight the landscape of the much-anticipated Northrend. I, for one, will not be glad to see you.

Love and kisses (not),
Sydera

Insight into the SYTYCB Selection Process and Important Question (see end)

by

Before I crash to bed, I wanted to take the time and answer and address a few things. We all know who the top 7 are. But what happened to the rest?

Why you were rejected

I know most of you would be okay with not getting the call back for the next step in the process. Both Wyn and I went through all of the entries many times. I know I wouldn’t like it if I got a term paper back with all red marks and slashes without remarks and critiques. I’m going to attempt to do the same here.

Wasn’t taken seriously

For a lot of you, I could tell the interest level just wasn’t high enough. It was blatantly obvious to me that you just decided to submit something on a whim. There wasn’t enough thought going into your submission and it didn’t seem like it was something that you really wanted to do. Yes the question and such was for fun but that doesn’t mean I’m not serious in looking for another writer. I’m not going to take someone whose going to apply and then figure out that it’s not something that they want to do.

Language or writing challenge

This is more of a technical thing than anything else. As a blogger, clear communication is a requirement. I know there was at least one submitter whose English was not their first language. I can’t fault them for that but I can’t take them on either. For the rest, minor things like uncapitalized I’s or “urs” or other signs of unprofessional use of the English word is not something I’m looking for. Obviously there are going to be exceptions, but when you’re trying to make a first impression it better be a damned good one and I just didn’t get that feeling.

Nothing special

At that point in time during the initial selection process, there many good posts. However, there were extremely few special posts. The 7 underbloggers that are competing right now not only submitted a post, they wrote a Matticus styled post. They took the bar and they popped Heroism, Winterfall Firewater, and Noggenfogger to set the bar even higher. An example is that I had 1 blogger attach images to her submission to help illustrate a point. Another blogger was aware that I had extremely aversive and allergic reactions to wall of texts resulting in immediate program shutdowns (thankfully, Wyn has developed an immunity to them). Ergo, they spaced it out accordingly and added emphasis and other formatting wonders.

In the future, when you’re applying for any kind of a position (even if it’s not a blogging one), try to stand out from the other applicants. Try to attract the guy’s attention.

Axe now or axe later?

It’s difficult to judge the bloggers individually. These guys have done excellent work thus far. Here’s an idea that I’ve been entertaining:

I know I said in an earlier post that I would cut bloggers week after week. But, would it be better and more entertaining for me to keep all 7 of them and then make 6 cuts at the end?

Don’t forget, the last 2 bloggers will be having their posts up later on today.

I’m also toying with the idea of giving my critique and feedback publicly on my blog – via webcam. Yes, I picked up my Logitech Orbit Webcam and played with it briefly. Anyway, why critique on video? Why not just do it as a blog post?

Honestly, I don’t know if I can accurately convey the true meaning of what I want to get across in a simple blog post. I’m afraid that what I say could get interpreted in too harsh of a manner or misinterpreted entirely. The problem with text based communication is that you can’t exactly impart tone, style, emotion or any of that stuff across.

I rarely ask for public opinion. I always do my own thing. When I do ask for your thoughts and comments, it’s usually for a reason. I’d love to hear your thoughts on both the elimination scheme and the critique idea.

(PS, underbloggers you are also allowed to comment. There is no conflict of interest situation here.)

SYTYCB: Dear Azeroth, I hate you.

by

HateAz(2)

This is a SYTYCB submission from Joveta.

joveta-post The main problem I face being a recent horde-reroll is the fact that my years as Alliance has left me with a pretty full roster of high-ish level characters taking up slots I could be using in newer, greener, hordier pastures. I’m only rarely a quick leveler, so I’m loathe to delete any character I’ve invested the time to drag slowly above the level 40 mark. However, I mercilessly axed all my 20-and-unders to try and get myself the start of a support system hordeside, namely a banker, a goof-off character I can play with my husband, and my current project: the hunter.

My hunter was created with a very simple purpose: to get her butt to 70 as quickly as possible (before the next expansion) and become my farming character. My priest is currently an herbalist/alchemist. I love alchemy and I love the money I make from herbalism. The thought of going Inscription in Wrath, however, is like whispering sweet nothings into the ear of my inner-min/maxer. I want to keep my Redeemer’s Alchemist Stone. I want to continue to be self-sufficient when it comes to my consumables. I also want some of those snacky Holy inscriptions, damnit. This calls for a fast-leveling alt! I know, a hunter!

Azeroth conspires against me, though my needs really are very simple. I want a zone with quest hubs that are logically laid out. I dream of a zone where my time actively questing is not dwarfed by the amount of time I waste in transit. I lust after a zone where I can hunker down and get a couple levels in without needing to hop a taxi twice, or spend more than 20 minutes running in a single sitting.

Azeroth, you suck.

rude(2)

It’s really hard to work up the desire to level my hunter; I’m spoiled by Outlands. The difference between the “new content” and the old is extreme. Both the Blood Elf and Draenei newbie zones are awesome. Quest hubs are well-designed, enabling quest-batching. With twinked bags, I can go out, clear 4 or 5 quests, and come back for turn-ins at about the time my bags started begging for mercy.

After that, level 20 is a slap in the face. I’m really not interested in (re-)exploring the wonders of Azeroth. I don’t need the guided tour. I especially don’t need to run up and down the length of Kalimdor twice because some idiot-NPC decided he wants the special flowers that only grow over there and if he doesn’t get them, he’s not going to give me the next step in the chain which actually gets me something I might want. If one more NPC sends me to another continent for the next step in a chain I’ve already spent 30 minutes in transit for, I’ll scream.

Maybe I should just forget the hunter. I already know I’m going to have to axe something or pay for a transfer if I want to play a Death Knight. Leveling gathering skills from 0 at level 55 will also suck. However, at least I wouldn’t be stuck questing on Azeroth.

SYTYCB: WTB 2m leetsauce DPS 4 MrT, lf uber CC, kkthx!

by

This is a SYTYCB entry from Jen who made it to the top 7.

jen-post WoW language… where do I begin? So being a fairly new “gamer” (zomg it’s been a freakin year!) I was lost when I first read trade chat in Darnassus. So many acronyms and so many words I had never heard of in my life. I majored in Literary Studies, so it was incredibly frustrating to me to not understand wth anyone was saying.

For the most part, I’ve overcome these frustrations (thanks to my sponsor and 12-step program,) but there are still things that irk me about WoW-lingo. I honestly don’t know if these terms are exclusive to WoW or part of all MMORPGs, anywhozzle here I go!

Misspelling

I’m kind of a spelling snob; I have a habit of pointing out spelling errors in trade chat on my server, especially if it’s a guild recruitment spam! I have noticed a lot of these WoW terms are just misspelled words that caught on and became accepted gamers’ lingo.

Pwned, Pwn, Pwnt

Is this pawned or owned or a combination? I think either way it’s over-played and over-used, it’s like “Burn” from that Friends episode. If you tell me you pwned me in-game, be prepared for a /glare /slap combo, cause that’s how I roll!

Leet, Leetsauce, 1337

I can only assume this came from elite, but where do we get the sauce? It sounds messy and somewhat disgusting; I get all kinds of visuals that I’m not going to explain here.

And are we really in 5th grade where we are playing with our calculator and trying to spell words with numbers? Remember 55378008…if you don’t, type it in your handy dandy calculator (not the one on your computer you n00b!) and turn it upside down.

Hai

Is this to be cute? Like the “I can haz” crap? Sorry I just don’t get it, first time I saw it I thought the guy was from Hawaii and maybe it was some cultural thing =/

Oh noes!

Admittedly I use this often, especially when I’m trying to get away from CAPSmonster (he’s the rare elite mob that strikes in trade chat and burns everyone’s eyeballs out of their sockets, he’s also the namesake of my 2v2). But where the hell does it come from? Instead of shortening the phrase to make the typing faster we actually add two letters for silliness?

Acronyms

These are probably carried over from other games, but for those who didn’t play these so-called “other games” it’s incredibly annoying and frustrating! The very first day I started playing WoW I saw the acronym LFG and I was too nervous and n00bish to ask what it meant for the longest time.

Common txt lingo (wth, wtf, omg, lol)

I don’t really have any problems with these, I txt probably more than I talk so I’m used to it. Moving on…

WoW specific (dps, cc, wtb, dungeon names)

I know these are necessary, especially in a game where you want to spend more time pew-pewing than typing. Btw dungeon names are normally a no-brainer but for all that don’t know Magister’s Terrace is MrT – nothing else (nightelf mohawk ftw.)

I almost quit the game a couple of times as a low-level since I felt like I entered a world where I didn’t speak the language and I was not given a translation guide.

Hey WoM, make a guide! 😉

Asshats who think they are cool they can acronym anything

These are the people that were put on earth to make me want to go punch a kitten in Elwynn Forest. Stop trying to act like you are cool by making everyone else in the world figure out what the hell you are saying, you suck! Noone is going to pick up on your acronym and start using it; you are not a trend-setter. NP2SW is not the new cool way of saying “need portal to Stormwind”. I’m determined these are the gamers who are 42 years old living at home with their parents trying to get their band off the ground. I hate them, and I put them on ignore!

Emotes

/start rant

If you put a / in front of something it means this is what you or your character is doing or feeling right now. In a game where you can’t convey your true feelings with absolute strangers and you don’t want to type it out just put a / in front of a word and everyone will know what it means. You can also say “slash (insert word here)” in vent and it makes sense!

/rollseyes

/facepalm (spoiler! Coming in wrath!)

/end rant

Vent

There is really only one thing people say on vent that makes me want to QQ and that is “lawls”. Lawls is a misspelling of an acronym that means to laugh-out-loud. If you are laughing out loud and you press your vent key wouldn’t everyone hear you laughing? Apparently not. Instead you press your vent key and say “lawls” which just makes you a freakin liar! You are not laughing out loud at all so don’t say that you are. It doesn’t make any sense. This bugs me cause I love to hear people laugh, it makes me laugh more, and I LOVE to laugh! I laugh a lot and often and I press my vent key when I’m doing it. I NEVER say “lawls”. I also press my vent key when I sneeze…that’s a whole other topic I suppose.

Uber and n00b

I separated these out because I despise them especially. For one, they just sound gross, they both remind me of the word booger and it makes me want to vomit in my mouth. I understand what both terms mean, but I have no clue where they came from so I made some assumptions. Uber comes from some idiot trying to spell super and failing in epic proportions. He was obviously not uber and now he’s doomed to endlessly sift through the trash in the Ironforge Deeprun tram station (dirty, dirty Haggle!). N00b/nub comes from “new player” or “new person” being shortened to save typing time. Nub (rhymes with rub) I think I hate more because again it’s a visual thing and it’s not even pronounced like newb but it means the same thing.

What WoW terms do you love/hate or love to hate? Am I absolutely nuts for the assumptions I made?

SYTYCB: It’s not you, it’s me. Yea, no. Really.

by

dwah

Image courtesy of Willrad. This is a SYTYCB submission from Rusco who made it into the top 7. 

rusco-post Hey everyone, Rusco here.

There are only a few things in this game that bother me; super long flight paths, druids inability to crowd control inside most instances while npcs use similar spells without issue, and a warlocks fear. But on the top of the list sits something that doesn’t have to due with coding.

It’s the players. I feel like there are so many ignorant, stupid people that play this game.

It makes me feel elitist, to say the least, when I think of it and I hate it but it’s true. I tend to get frustrated when I’m grouped with other people I didn’t pick and chose to group with. Usually in battlegrounds, I can ignore the people yelling at everyone to give up or making stupid remarks. Unfortunately, it’s a bit harder in raids that I ask to join because I have to keep my ears peeled and my eyes on the screen.

Even in 5-man’s I still come across people that can get to me without actually trying to. Just the other day, I was in a partial pug run through slave pens and make a joke about one of my friends getting himself killed before we met at the entrance when our mage drops group because he didn’t like my attitude. I can almost understand, I’m generally sarcastic in my humor and if you’re coming from the point of view that all people are out to hurt one another then yea, I could have come off a wicked jerk. But this guy knows me in real life, we’ve played tabletop rpgs for two years. We’re not close, but it was a shock to see him react that way to something he should recognize as playful not harmful.

Slightly less specific, a good friend of mine has a podcast about world of warcraft and one of their usual features is “Real Noobs of Warcraft” and I badgered him until he included an idea of mine called the “back-seat raid leader.” Now that’s something that really gets me in raids. When someone other than the raid leader starts spouting off commands or details, especially when someone asks a question directed to the RL, I throw my head back and groan. It’s like, “Yea, we all know you’ve been around since beta or whenever. We know you’ve got experience in this game. But you’re not the boss. Stfu. Srsly.”

Speaking of raids, is it too much to ask to have people arrive in a timely fashion and packing all the heat they can bring? I don’t think it’s too hard to find out what elixirs, food, reagents, potions, scrolls, weapon buffs, or whatever else you can use during combat that can benefit the raid as a whole. Sure, that may seem like a lot of stuff to remember but it doesn’t take much effort to check to see if you have what you need and if not to go get it. Not enough gold? One run through the Sunwell dailies and you’re good to go. What’s the problem there?

Now, I come from a casual guild, so it’s not required of anyone to be über prepared but I just don’t see why anyone wouldn’t want to make sure the raid does it’s utmost best. I’m taking my time, but I plan on having what every class/spec needs for raiding because I’m sick of complaining and maybe then no one will have an excuse to skimp out. Don’t get me wrong, I thoroughly enjoy doing the research and work, but I hate hate hate that I come across so few that will actually do it for themselves.

Don’t get me started on people who don’t know how to play their class. I’ve heard a horror story from a good friend of mine coming across a shaman that didn’t know what a totem was.

World of Warcraft brings in so many different walks of life and luckily there are really cool, smart people that play this game. I just wish I could play with them, rather than just read their blog. Maybe I’m just being overly pessimistic but I think I’m either getting the short end of the stick or I’m just crazy.