Silly

Bank of Matticus Goes Public

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banking

Due to requests from certain Hunter bloggers, the Bank of Matticus Financial Group has decided to go public. As part of the public disclosure process, CEO Matticus Moneycus has decided to reveal various assets that the public needs to know if they wish to invest in this banking powerhouse. Matticus leads a syndicate of prominent WoW Investors who have entrusted him with their finances and assets.

Hydroponics

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This is but a fraction of the hydroponics sector of the Bank of Matticus. Herb specialists continue to acquire species of plants around the clock to invest in Inscription the moment it becomes available.

Consumables

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In a bid to stream line workers, over 1000 Gnomes were released with severance pay with the option to rehire within the next year. Simply put, there is too much supply of consumables and not enough demand for them.

Ore

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Efforts to equip the soon-to-arrive Death Knights are well under way. They’ve agreed to become Smithies in order to augment themselves. Here is a fraction of some of the Ore and Stone that’s been gradually accumulated.

Supplementary

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The supplementary portion of the bank has largely been liquidated or is still in the process of being liquidated. Epic gems have largely been sold as well as a significant number of normal gems. Food consumables still remain as do other high performance consumables.

You’ll notice the gold count looks unimpressive. There’s a good reason for that. Bank of Matticus finances are spread out through a network of Dwarven and Goblin banks. In the event of a security breach, it will not result in the complete loss and destruction of BMF. Rest assured, hard currency sits at the 5 digit level. But that information cannot be disclosed here for the time being. It’s a result of Enchanting mats and numerous amounts of cloth being liquidated. The fifth bank tab has been hidden as it contains sensitive items and materials. Negotiations are currently underway Ironforge International Bank of Commerce for rights and access to a 6th tab. This is expected to happen within a year as assets continue to accumulate.

Red Rover, Red Rover…

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bear-kodo

…We call that Shaman over.

Although seriously, who would win in a fight? A Kodo? Or a Bear? The Twitterati give the decision to the War Bears 4 – 2. Now the bears have the two horns (tusks?) on the side that would impale a Kodo from the side for sure. However, the Kodo has a large horn of its own. It would be a matter of who is able to outmaneuver the other first, I’d imagine.

@behemothdan War bear for sure. The kodo may have size but no offense that the bear can’t handle.

@Medros war bear

@fernashes war bear all the way.

@ipwn kodos are toougher. war beas are meaner. bears, but it’d be close

@Onawar brewfest kodo would win!

@Knurd Kodo. It’s more rare.

20 + 3 Myths about Women Who Play WoW

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unicorn 

So Matt and I were goofing off one day, and in one of those conversations where you’re not quite sure how it got onto that topic… we started talking about some of the myths around being a female gamer. Like all stereotypes, some have a base in reality, some are pretty funny, and some nag at my feminist sensibilities. Here’s 20 myths about female WoW-ers that I’ve encountered:  

  • We don’t exist
  • We’re super-hot asian women
  • We’re all crushingly obese in real life
  • We can’t Tank
  • We can’t Melee
  • We can’t PvP
  • Actually, we can’t play
  • We must want to be your girlfriend (or cyber you)
  • We’re sleeping with our Guild leader/Raid leader and that’s why we get raid invites/gear
  • We only play healing classes
  • We cause 100% of all guild/server drama
  • We get given gold, mats, and items for free
  • or, if not for free, in exchange for non-monetary favors
  • All female ‘toons are really guys trying to cash in on the above myths (especially Elves)
  • We don’t play Horde
  • We’re only playing to spend time with our boyfriend/husband
  • We care more about how gear looks than its stats
  • We only tame cuddly, cute pets
  • We don’t theorycraft (‘cuz math is HARD!)
  • We all hate each other
  • Female GMs are all married to a co-GM and not really leading the guild
  • We fly into hysterics if given negative feedback
  • We aren’t allowed to raid when we’re on our period

Image credits: Sacredart

Thanks Auz & Joveta!!

12 Reasons Why Priests Don’t Make the Best Lovers

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pirate

Hear-ye, hear-ye, ye backstabin buccaneers!

As me learn-ed scurvy dog colleagues o’er the past few days have discussed about ye class lovers, I have discovered one thing. Ye think Priests make the finest landlubbin’ lovers, do yeh? Well ye be wrong on that count and let me tell ye why! Priests are the exact reasons why thar exists women scorned by which fury hell hath no! Nay, we be nothin’ more than gentlemen o’ fortune so ter speak.

Ye got yer Warlocks! Then ye got yer Captains! And yer goody two shoes Pal-eh-din! A lot of mateys believe that Duh-ruids are tha bettar ones in bed! And of course, Rogues do it from behind (because they’re not smart enough to do it from other positions, harrrrr har har!). Cannae’ forget our tentically hoofed buccanneers!

But here’s why hookin’ up with a Priest be like findin’ fool’s gold!

Fortitude only lasts 60 minutes

Aye, we be full of stamina and strength but fer how long? We can only go 60 minutes before we become tired out ye know!

Staves, Maces, and Daggers

We not exactly be the most skilled with our weapons. Ye never see a Priest with maxed out weapon skills! Ye think we’re any better in unarmed… combat?!

Constant drinking

There be only so much energy a Priest has before they need to batten down the hatches and drink. I find it nigh impossible that a lass would be able ter wait tha’ long fer us to recover (and plunder her booty)!

Squishy

Harrrr! Our inability to withstand pain means activities be limited! Our robes can only handle so much punishment from a cat o’ nine tails! Unless we take ’em off…

Limited shields

Yarrrr, ye realize our shields can not withstand lovin’ power of that maggggnitude before they buckle under pressure! Oh sure they can protect ye, but for how long? And what will ye do when that bubble be breached?

Never satisfied with just one

We be busy scannin’ all the time for potential targets! We cannae always commit to one, ye know! It be too difficult for Priests to be monogamous!

Too pure

Can we consciously betray our teachings of the light? No! Thar be no such thing as a promiscuous Priest! Not ter mention, I cannae dream of a scurvy cur who’d want ter shack up with the dirty Shadowy ones! Only a wench would!

Too much Discipline

Discipline. Priests have too much of it! Even one point invested be far too much for the ordinary lass! We shan’t betray our cause or our purpose which means we not tha’ righ’ choice!

Too poor

Priests are the most lily-livered class you’ll encounter, me hearty! We don’t have the doubloons to afford even the most scallywag of Warlock wenches!

So ye see lad, while you may think that Priests make great lovers, ye best be takin’ your reasons to Davey Jones locker!

Yarrrrr!

Why Druids are the Best (and Worst) Lovers

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I’ve decided to take up Matticus’s challenge from yesterday and put in my own personal bid for which class makes the best lovers.

If variety is the spice of YOUR life, then you simply must find yourself a druidic lover today. While I’m sure warlocks, and mages, and priests, can light your fire too, nothing beats a druid for sheer, er, flexibility. However, when things go wrong with your druid lover, they go very wrong. Join me for a look at the the pros and cons of a little walk on the wild side.

5 reasons to take a lonely tree home with you:

1. You’ll never be bored.

We can tank, dps, and heal, sometimes all at once! You want it, we’ve got it. Let a druid draw you in with her Entangling Roots. By the time she gets to Flourish, you’ll be hooked for good.

2. Druids are champion cuddlers.

We may look ferocious (not hard to accomplish while we’re tanking things with our face), but deep down inside, every druid is a fuzzy, snuggly kitten. Especially recommended for frosty mornings and rainy afternoons by a roaring fire.

3. We’re animals in the bedroom.

No really, we are. Let your imagination run wild.

4. Druids are very grounded.

Our roots go deep, and we like to stay where we’re planted. We don’t like to show off either. Even if we have fancy cars and flashy clothes, we’re the same old bear we’ve always been since level 10. That means we’re the ideal candidate for dinners with Mom & Pop or a night out with your buddies.

5. We don’t cause drama.

Animals are a lot less complicated than people, and plants even less so. Your druid lover gets a measure of inner peace from spending so much time in one of his simpler forms, and that serenity will make your relationship much less conflict-ridden.

5 reasons to leave that bear at the zoo where he belongs:

1. A leopard can’t change his spots, and a cheetah is always a cheetah.

Blame it on our bestial natures, but it’s hard for us to shake our natural instincts. If your druid lover has been up to any naughty tricks in the past, you’ll have to keep him on a short leash.

2. Druish grooming habits differ greatly from those of the human population.

Yes, we think that lichen growing on our boughs is attractive. Little bird’s nest by my left ear? That’s an accessory. And don’t even get me started on the bears. What do you THINK they roll around in when no one’s looking? If you don’t enjoy that musky, woodsy fragrance, I’d suggest a druid who specializes in melee dps. After all, kitties at least attempt to give themselves a daily bath.

3. We’ll never be your perfect match.

Druids are hybrids, but if you’re a rogue looking for a melee dps soulmate, or a warlock looking for a partner-in-corruption, we’ll never quite cut the mustard. If you are too much of a purist, you won’t get along with a druid.

4. All druids are shifty by nature.

If we’ve done something bad, you’ll never find us. If we’ve done something really bad, we’ll probably blame it on you and cower invisibly in your closet.

5. And finally, we’re too idealistic.

One of these days, the Emerald Dream will beckon your druid lover, and he or she will be afk until further notice. There’s a reason that most mystics stay single. If you do date a druid, you’ll have to help her keep her paws firmly in the here-and-now.

As for me, well, my dance card is full. Turns out that a tree’s perfect match is a warrior–heh, maybe the low intellect lets him overlook those scratchy branches.